‘What is love? Oh baby, don't hurt me…Don't hurt me…No more….’ Remember this 1993 hit by Haddaway? Wondering how relevant this song is on Valentine’s Day?
Well, it is very relevant and applicable, say a lot of Goans who opened up about dating and relationship in the modern era. They also share how labels such as 'situationship', 'textation', 'friends with benefits', etc, are making relationships complicated and complex, resulting in the slow death of the true essence of love.
WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?
This article might seem like a damper on Valentine's day, but the people who shared their thoughts had several things in common to say, such as how these things complicate relationships and are weighing them down, and taking a toll on their mental and physical health.
There are many who have spent years with a single person, and are clueless about where they stand in the relationship, or where it is heading.
On the other hand, there are those who still trying to figure out 'what and why it happened to them'.
Due to all of this uncertainty and lack of clarity, so many people find themselves in a world which is an endless pool of sadness and gloom.
Here's what a few Goans had to say about relationships and dating in the 21st century.
1. JUST BE CLEAR!
Do you want to be with someone who is leading you on, without discussing the future? Or, spends the entire day talking, texting and calling you, but doesn’t introduce you to their friends and family?
Myra D'costa speaks about how a lot of modern relationships are blurry and unclear. She says, "Modern relationships in this generation are on a whole new level. The love and romance that we have seen as childhood stories are completely the opposite in today's reality. The older generations would show us the essence of patience, kindness and respect for another person, but the modern century has evolved into constant texting for validation, where most relationships have no clarity at all."
2. SHORT TERM RELATIONSHIPS
While many long for 'together forever', 20-year-old, Aryan Bhobe, says that today’s relationships have started to become more casual and short term. He adds, "Everyone wants a fairytale relationship, until it comes to hard work to stay committed to each other."
Some people have been with their partners for quite a while, but are still wondering whether or not they are in the relationship as well.
3. THESE LABELS...I TELL YOU!
'We are just friends....but with benefits'. This is one of the most common things we hear these days. And, terms such as 'situationship', 'textation' are getting popular and are even termed 'cool'.
Bhobe says terms such as these are utilised in order to put a lid on a relationship which clearly has a number of toxic traits. "'Situationship', in particular, has become so common that people have started using it as a getaway from the actual relationship struggle that two people go through. 'Situationship' simply means two people are indulging in things that all couples do, but, are afraid of dating or being committed to each other for various reasons," he adds.
Bhobe adds that in the end, these words are spoiling the realism and authenticity of a relationship.
Aakash, 32, feels that these terms are a double-edged sword. "On one hand, they help label an action, or situation, and better clarify what's going on. On the other hand, people are sometimes too quick to label something and end up oversimplifying things," he says, adding that relationships are complicated and such terms fail to address everything.
So, this Valentine's Day, make a vow to express your inner thoughts clearly and succinctly and let your significant other -- whether you are looking at a long term or short term relationship, or a 'just friends' set up, rather than just stringing the other along.